IvyI got to give credit to the developers at Namco. In 1996 they made a little game you may have heard of called Soul Edge. I wouldn't say that first game was in the same league as Mortal Kombat, but it was alright for a fighting game of its time. Then they continued with the Soulcalibur series until 2009, and every game they released seemed to get exponentially better than the last. What did the developers do to make this game franchise so appealing for so long? Well I like to think the development meeting went something like this.

"What can we do to sell more games?"

"Maybe we could make it cheaper than everyone else, since after development fees it only takes a couple cents to produce each copy of the game."

"Ridiculous! Gamers have infinite money, everyone knows that!"

"What if we used a realistic physics engine and make Soulcalibur more complex and innovative than any other fighting game?"

"Good idea, but we need more! More! What else can we do?"

"What if we give all the female characters bigger boobs that jiggle when they move?"

"You just earned a raise!"

That must be the secret to the success of the Soulcalibur series. You need only to look at the characters from each game side by side to see that in each new release the female characters got less and less clothing, while their breasts and buttocks became more revealed with an amusingly eccentric jiggle feature.


The character Sophita Alexandra has been in each Soulcalibur game since the beginning. In Soul Blade she was shown wearing protective armor, with a relatively flat chest. By the time Soulcalibur came around, the armor was lost in favor of a cleavage-revealing shirt to show off her newly enlarged breasts. By Soulcalibur IV her breasts grew to a size large than her head, with even less clothing to cover them.

There has been some protest about the hyper-sexualization of women in video games. It may seem unreasonable that wearing less armor and showing more skin would make a woman a better fighter, but video game physics proves it to be true. It is clear that sacrificing protection of bulky metal for the freedom of movement provided by thin straps of cloth or leather gives female fighters the ability to kick higher, jiggle longer, and kick the backside of their distracted foes. When put into practice, it is a perfectly legitimate tactic. Just look at the real-world champion mud wrestlers or the heroines of foxy boxing.

It's the simple basics of marketing that a video game developer needs to give its customers what they want. The remarkable success of the Soulcalibur series therefore shows evidence of what scientists have long suspected; gamers like boobs. It has been proven that the gaming community is composed entirely out of straight single males between the ages of fourteen and thirty. Therefore large jiggly breasts are not just an enhancement to video games, but a practical requirement. The path of logic dictates that if men like breasts, and Soulcalibur has breasts, men must like Soulcalibur. Soulcalibur does have breasts, and men do indeed like it.

SCOne might take a walk in the real world and take note of the breasts of common people he passes. One might then note that the real world has in general, smaller breasts than Soulcalibur heroines, often with less jiggle, and not so absurdly beautiful proportions. But it isn't that kind of realism that gamers want in video games. What we want is a fantasy world so vivid that for a little while we can forget that off in the real world, women's breasts aren't commonly the size of watermelons, they don't dance around in ridiculously skimpy outfits, and we'll likely never get the pleasure of a hot sweaty scuffle with them. When a gamer asks for realism, he really wants a virtual world so wondrous that we forget it's just images on a screen.

If all that means gamers want breasts that grow larger each year, then so be it! By Soulcalibur X we may see nothing but giant breasts on the screen doing battle with one another. I predict this version of Soulcalibur will be the most successful of all, with fans invigorated by this new style of gaming and the various breast-themed attack styles available. Keep leading us into the future Namco, gamers need you and your vision of breasts for the world!

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